Monday, January 29, 2007

SiF #52 - Playing with Sex

Episode 52: Playing with Sex
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Episode 52 – Playing with Sex
Sex is fun and we can prove it. In this episode we’re going to be talking about the joys of playing with sex and all the fun that can be had with one of the greatest natural pleasures life has to offer.
Catch up:
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The Show,
We all know that sex is fun. 94 % of Americans have it just for the fun of it, but I’ve found myself wondering if we are really having fun with sex or are we just using it as a way to alleviate us from the urge to have sex.
Our own feelings about sex and our sex practices.
Do we play with sex or do we just use it to get off?

Jade and I used to play a lot with sex. We’d get naked and just touch each other and experiment with different kissing techniques. We’d try different positions and we’d try licking and sucking on just about any appendage we could fit in our mouths and stick our tongues in any hole we could find. Not everything we tried felt great or lead to orgasms but it was all fun. Now it seems that we’ve figured out the positions that work best for getting each other off and we get to them, fuck as hard as possible, cum, get dressed and get on with our lives.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, mostly because I’m nearing completion of a new game here at that is for couples. Unlike all previous games that have been designed for play at parties, this game just for you and one partner. I’ve been trying to design this game for years but for some reason I just couldn’t find the right balance of making a game that was engaging for a vast audience of people. Most of the sex games out there are really stupid because Jade and I don’t need a pair of dice or a card to tell us to suck a nipple or give each other oral sex. We’re pretty good at asking for that when we want it. We needed a game that really grabbed us and make us think about sex and play with it in a way that was a bit challenging, a bit playful and a bit naughty.

The answer came from you, our listeners wrote me and asked me, how can I get my partner to go down on me, how do I start a conversation about bondage, I like to play hard to get, how can I get my partner to pursue me, I want to be dominated, how can I get my partner to do this to me.

The challenges came quite easily because you had all told me what activities you want to try with your partners. So I just wrote down the top 90 activities from both men and women and described the activities on the each card in a very frank manner. Then I needed to figure out a way to make the game worth playing. It just isn’t all that enlightening or exciting to draw a card and do what is on it. I needed to make it engaging so I made it so that each player would have to guess how the other player would respond when given the choice between 2 to 4 sexual scenarios.

Read a few of the pillow talk cards

Now you get points for guessing what your partner would pick so there is a scoring element. But more importantly, you’ve begun a discussion about the kinds of sexual tastes each of you have.

Other cards are more specific about preferred sexual practices and they are clearly defined by the group they are in.
Pillow Talk are the cards that we just read and they are there to get you communicating about fantasy, role-playing and the like
Touch Tests, get you talking about the way that you like to be touched.
Oral Action, is all about oral sex and having anything to do with using your lips, mouth and tongue for sexual pleasure
Sex Play, is all about good old-fashioned penis in vagina sex.
Kinky action, will get you communicating about fetishes, and the really dirty stuff.
Act it outs are special cards that you read silently, guess how your partner will react and them perform the action as described on the card.

To make the game a bit more wiley and competitive, I made an optional deck of cards that you can use to reverse the action back on your partner, call a partner’s bluff and dare your partner to change their mind should they ever answer no when you want them to answer yes.

You don’t need to buy game to play with your lover.
You can easily make your own games and play them whenever you want for free.

Find the fruit.
Blindfold your partner and hide a grape or a cherry somewhere on your body. Then have them go searching with their lips until they find it.

Trust, tied and ticked.
Tie your partner to the bed and use a soft brush or feather to tickle them. Goose bumps.

How to get a non-responsive partner to play with you:
I know that after this show airs, I’m going to get tons of letters from many of you asking how you can get your partner to play and be sexually creative with you.

Here are my top 3 slabs of advice:

Try just asking for something very specific. Be very specific. Describe the play that you want in a very obvious manner. Write it down with step by step instructions if you need to. Yes I know that might kill some of the fun but perhaps after they get comfortable play the first few times it may become more natural for them.
Example: If you want to play hard to get, just ask them to keep trying to seduce you for 15 minutes no matter how many times or how sternly you say no.

If your partner continues to refuse to play with you, sit down for a serious talk. Tell them that you want more from your sexual relationship. Tell them that this is important to you and you need it to be content. Compare it to an aspect of your partner’s life that is equally important to them. Tell them the truth. Tell them that if your needs are not met you will feel dejected, if you indeed will.
If after this serious conversation doesn’t make them come running into the bedroom with wearing a wetsuit and a conquistador helmet and wielding a dildo on a saws-all I have one last option to offer. Negotiate your pants off.
Get out a pen and paper and discuss a plan with them. Ask them for something that they REALLY want that you can help them obtain or achieve. This may be material or an ethereal or whatever, just so long as you actually can help them get it.
Write it down. Then tell them what you want and write IT down.
Maybe you want them to initiate sex 3 times a week. Maybe you want them to watch a porn with you. Maybe you want them to wear a wetsuit, conquistador helmet and wield a dildo on a saws-all.
Have both of you read it, sign it and keep a copy.
Now work your ass off to get them what they want and expect the same from them.


  1. Very good advice! Am looking forward to the game. Structure sometimes helps people who are maybe a wee bit afraid of this sort of stuff.

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